What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
