i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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