Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize