11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
