Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
