I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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