I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
