i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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