When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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