So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
