Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and she was petting her beer can
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
