I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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