good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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