Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
