I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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