I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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