I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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