while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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