so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
