I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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