Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
