Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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