Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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