we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
