She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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