Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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