eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
