Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
