She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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