ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
