I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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