Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize