My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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