ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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