this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
