Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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