How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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