why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
