no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
