when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
