Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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