I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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