drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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