Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize