If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize