Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
