I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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