the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
