I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
