so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
