He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
