I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
