Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
