I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
