so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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