Duck Duck Cougar?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
