The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
