my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
