i just google imaged poop.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize