barbara walters just said penis...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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