in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
