My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
