Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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