i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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