ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
