So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
