I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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