Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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