Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm too high and old for this...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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