There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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