According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
