you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
kristin has been a bad kristin
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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