Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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