Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
