Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
